Kody Hanner
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How to Include Kids on the Homestead
How to include kids on the homestead is the most common question I get. I have give a list of activities to do with them, but its really about how you include your kids.
Over the last about ten years, but definitely in the last four years, hundreds of thousands of children have been ripped from their cushy and entitled lifestyles. They have been removed from government indoctrination camps where all their friends were to move to the middle of nowhere to be homeschooled without tablets and forced to learn self-sufficient skills! I hope you hear the satire in my voice.
Young children who were small when they moved to the homestead or were born afterward do better. They spend their days helping in the kitchen and on the homestead and their free time playing in the mud. Many older children have jumped right on the bandwagon with a full understanding and zest for why we have made these important changes in their lives.
How I Spent my Childhood on and off the “Homestead”
As many kids born in the eighties and early nineties, I grew up with divorced parents. My husband (whose parents were divorced) and I often talk about how it was almost an “in” thing to cheat on your spouse. And then divorce them during those years. And to be honest, mainly because I didn’t know any better, I’ve been divorced myself. Now, this isn’t necessarily my point, except that we are embracing a new life and social structure for our kids.
I lived with my mom in the normal suburban hustle of that day and age. We lived in a rural area. I had 4-H animals, my mom grew a garden, and my friends all drove trucks. But the culture at the time from that TV, our friends, and even our parents was that anything we did in the house or for the family was “chores”. Chores that we were forced to do and came with a huge eye roll and sigh from us. This is because we were fed the belief that everything should be done for us. I really feel that this has gotten worse culturally, except for those of us who have opted out of so many systems. Systems like public school, mainstream entertainment, and even buying all our food from the grocery store.
My dad, on the other hand, lived on a ranch, was half a generation older than my mom. He and didn’t care much for what was going on culturally, except for the divorcing part. He was a serial entrepreneur (much like myself), focused on self-sufficient skills, and believed everyone should work hard. But he had a quiet seriousness about himself that made it so you just didn’t question him. I’m sure my younger self was a huge facepalm for him. Luckily, before he passed away, he saw that I was a determined hard worker that had a passion for the older ways.
Why I decided to Include My Kids on The Homestead
I knew right away that I wasn’t going to wait on my kids hand and foot. After seeing how stressful that was for my mom and how much it messed with my head when she finally decided I was old enough to help and I had zero skills to do so. I was a single mom myself when my twins were little, while also was a full-time college student with an internship, living hours away from my friends and family.
There was no way I could do every little thing for my kids and succeed in the life I was creating for us. When I saw their desire to “do it themselves” during their toddler years, I let them! When we got home from preschool, we just had a routine that included cleaning, starting dinner, and doing our homework. A routine that, at 15 years old, they still do. Although, life as homesteading homeschoolers has made our routine look a little different.
My choice to encourage independence and autonomy within them was out of both necessity and a little of breaking generational trauma. But as I look back on it today, I realize was building the foundation for the life and character I want for my children. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t receive flack from certain people in my life. Comments like “You had them, so you should do everything for them” or “You’re a lazy parent if you make your kids do laundry” have on occasion haunted me today.
But I know without a doubt that the choice to include my kids in the homestead was the best choice I’ve ever made.
Can I include kids on the homestead that are young, or who have never lived on the homestead?
So, I have included three different types of kids on the homestead. I have my teenagers, whom I raised as a single mom until they were seven when I met my husband. Then we moved to a homestead a year later. I have my “grown” teenage sons who were raised with the stereotypical “I have to do everything for my kids.” And I have my three and six year old that were born and brought straight home to the homestead to drink their raw milk and play in the mud. All three sets absolutely see the value in the value in hard work, the importance of homegrown food, and the advantages of homeschool.
What they see the most is the importance of supporting the family (and often our community) beyond their own needs. I believe that biggest reason that they have been able to embrace this way of life is because I have sheltered them from the culture of relying on systems. This culture is pushed on them by mainstream media. Also, from people in our lives who haven’t embraced this thought process, and even extended family. It’s hard to do completely against the grain like that, but it is powerful too, to know that I broke free from something that didn’t feel right to me or my husband.
I’m not going to say this happened overnight for us. We had a long haul that included a creative chore and punishment structure that focused on respecting both our time as parents and their time as kids. It also allowed for autonomy while paying us back for our time and earning their own time back. That was our more effective tool, especially when the kids were still going to public school, and we had to balance that schedule as well.
Tools to include kids on the homestead and get their buy-in
Older Kids
- Detox from the culture of relying on systems
- remove/limit media, phones, toxic family and friends
- Teach them how to do things by doing it with them.
- Show them your work ethic, too!
- Remind and expect them to provide for the family beyond their own needs
- Sometimes that’s as small as the trash must go out before parents can cook their dinner. Or doing a sibling’s laundry if that sibling is doing another chore for the family
- Give them management-level responsibilities on the homestead
- No one just wants to be told what to do all the time, let them show they can be trusted and then trust them with something). Children want praise, but teens want trust.
- Don’t worry about “upsetting” them.
- If they are teenagers, they are going to be upset anyway; might as well be giving them the life skills they need to succeed.
- Enforce natural (or mirrored) consequences as needed
- Idle hands make for the devil’s work.
- I don’t think kids should be worked to death, but keep them busy.
- Work on teaching them the “why,” why animals need to be fed at a certain time, why sourdough is better for you, and why our food system is broken.
“Chores are an obligation; responsibility is a privilege.”
Younger Kids
- Never let them believe that chores are an obligation.
- They are unbelievably blessed to have the things they do and a family to serve.
- Encourage them to start helping as soon as they can follow instructions.
- Keep the responsibilities age-appropriate, but do not underestimate their abilities. Their abilities are beyond what society says they are.
- Praise them in their abilities.
- Work with them and make it fun.
- But then explain to them how what they did helps the family
- Encourage their interests and apply them to what is happening on the homestead.
It's not always easy to include kids on the homestead
Sometimes, it is hard to involve kids in the homestead. Sometimes, it’s a lot of work to teach them and follow up with them. There will be times when you think you are not making a difference. In the long run, you will not regret these positive choices you are making for your family. The solid foundations you are building in their character and the skills they will have will always outweigh the hard work that comes with raising kids.
